Sex, lovemaking, fucking, banging, plowing, however you say or do it, sex is a wonderful thing. So, why do so many Christians insist on adding guilt, doubt, and fear to this lustful act? I may never completely understand, but what sparked my question was an article I recently read. Here is a link to the article: http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/good-lovemaking-is-about-god
I want to break down some topics brought up in this piece that stood out to me in a shocking and uncomfortable way.
This first part of the article left me feeling disturbed.
“Married couples make love on their honeymoon and after a miscarriage. They make love to conceive children and after they bury them. They make love when bodies are healthy and during battles against cancer.” (Garrett Kell)
If I ever in my life have a miscarriage or have to bury my own child, I don’t think sex would be one of the ways I would cope with that kind of tragedy. Sex can certainly be an intimate act, but it does not need to be mixed with great misfortune. (Unless you are into that, not trying to kink shame!) Kell tries to explain how sex can create a bond that goes beyond just pleasure and having God be a greater part of marriage. But, I don’t want some God watching me in an awkward and paranormal threesome situation while I am having sex.
He later goes into talking about sinful sexual nature as,
“Who clicks on one pornographic picture and stops, satisfied? Who fantasizes for a few seconds and stops, satisfied?” (Kell)
I love using porn as a resource for masterbating. And there have been many times when I have clicked on a video, masterbated, orgasmed, and thought, “what the fuck was I just watching?” Or in the middle of a video, gotten to a part where it gets weird or gross and had to find something else, or even just completely stop. There is a difference between watching porn occasionally for fun and being addicted to the point where it consumes and disrupts your life. And watching porn does not mean that you are necessarily an addict.
“The goal of sex isn’t ultimately just enjoying your spouse, but it is enjoying God as the giver of good gifts. God is better than the best sex.” (Kell)
Now, because I am an atheist, this means that I do not believe in a God. But, even if I did, I don’t think that He would be better than the best sex I have ever had. Great sex is better than most things in life and God would definitely not trump that. I also have an issue with Kell’s first statement. The whole point of sex is to enjoy and pleasure your partner(s). Why does God keep getting depicted into every sexual situation? I don’t know, maybe I’m just missing out on some great kinky stuff.
Kell finishes off (heh) his article by giving advice to both married and and unmarried couples. Because I am not married, I wanted to focus on these words of wisdom. His first two pieces of advice are pretty standard for most Christians. Don’t give in to temptation and if you do have sex before marriage, you will be damaged goods for your future spouse. The last point he makes is actually an interesting one.
“Remember that your fulfillment as a person is not dependent on being sexually or romantically fulfilled.” (Kell)
Technically on its own, this statement is true. There is a broad spectrum of sexual drive and each person/relationship can decide how they want to define their romantic fulfillment. But then he follows it up with,
“Jesus was never married, never romantically involved, and never had sex. Yet Jesus was the most fully human and complete person who has ever lived.” (Kell)
Of course Jesus never wanted to have sex with anyone, any intercourse would mean having a threesome with his own dad. I also don’t see why Jesus needs to be brought into the conversation of sex, yet again. Sex is between you and your partner(s), without a mystical and magical being coming between you. (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.)
No one and I repeat no one needs to feel guilty for engaging in any kind of sexual acts. As long as you and your partner(s) are having sex consensually and safely, no one else needs to know about it. Please, enjoy watching porn, or using sex toys, and even being a part of a sexual community. Relish in being “sinful” and having sex on yours and your partner’s terms, I know I will.
Original article by Garrett Kelly. Source: http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/good-lovemaking-is-about-god